The House that Jack Kerouac Built [Second Verse]
I have found the weeds which Ophelia
wound around wrists and ankles;
and Chatterton measured the moon.
Flirtaceous perrenials blooms of boyhood
and the canticles of courtship, froliced under
the moon the sky never saw as it dipped
down to the well at the world's end.
As they wained and wilted,
I like a Monarch morphed-
a paradigm shift, venus, a white still life
the butterfly collector, only when
moths are left.
Still, I'm a kitten on your patchwork quilt
in the house that Jack Kerouac built.
Points:
Time spent:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
Are you sure you want to delete this comment? This cannot be undone.
Mark this comment as a review? Points will be awarded to the poster.
Your comment was posted, but it wasn’t long enough to count as a review. Reviews need about four complete sentences (at least 250 characters). Try writing another review that explains your thoughts in more detail — the author will appreciate it, and you’ll earn points for it.
125,021 Literary Works • 672,740 Reviews
First stanza - I don't think "and" should go after a semi-colon ever really.
Second stanza - amazing.
Third stanza - same.
I was a bit disappointed with the repeat of the last stanza, the "still" didn't work for me (too informal in a poem of this standard - you have better language skills than that) and it didn't keep up to the same level.
also amazing! i like the allusion to Ophelia. Your writing makes the setting so clear, it's remarkable. "canticles of courtship"- very catchy, good use of alliteration